Everything that happens to us happens on purpose. And sometimes, one thing leads to another. Instead of locking yourself up in your cage of fears and crying over past heartaches, embarrassment and failures, treat them as your teachers and they will become your tools in both self improvement and success.
I remember watching the movie Patch Adams. It’s a great film that will help you improve yourself. Hunter “patch” Adams is a medical student who failed to make it through the board exams. After months of suffering in melancholy, depression and suicidal attempts – he decides to seek medical attention and voluntarily admits himself to a psychiatric ward. His months of staying in the hospital lead him to meeting different people. Sick people in fact. He meets a catatonic, a mentally retarded, a schizophrenic and so on. Patch finds ways of treating his own ailment and finally realizes that he has to get back on track. He wakes up one morning realizing that after all the failure and pains he has gone through, he still wants to become a doctor. He carries a positive attitude with himself that brings him self improvement and success. He doesn’t only improve himself, but also the lives of the people around him and their quality of life. Did he succeed? Needless to say, he became the best darn doctor his country has ever known.
So, when does self improvement become synonymous with success? Where do we start? Take a look at these tips:
1. Stop thinking and feeling as if you’re a failure, because you’re not. How can others accept you if YOU can’t accept YOURSELF?
2. When you see gorgeous models on TV, think more of self improvement, not self pitying. Self acceptance is not just about having nice, slender legs, or great abs. Concentrate on inner beauty.
3. When people feel down about themselves, help them to lift themselves up. Don’t go down with them. They could pull you down further and then both of you could end up feeling bad.
4. The world is a large place for lessons, not mistakes. Don’t feel stupid and doomed forever just because you’ve failed on a science quiz. There’s always a next time. Make room for self improvement.
5. Take things one at a time. You don’t expect black sheep to be goody-two-shoes in just a snap of a finger. Self improvement is a one day at a time process.
6. Self improvement results in inner stability, personality development and yes, SUCCESS.
7. Set meaningful and achievable goals. Self improvement doesn’t turn you into an exact replica of Cameron Diaz or Ralph Fiennes. It just aims to result in an improved and better YOU.
8. Little things mean A LOT to other people. Sometimes, we don’t realize that the little things that we do, like a pat on the back, saying “hi” or “hello”, greeting someone “good day” or telling Mr. Smith “hey, I love your tie!”, are simple things that mean so much to other people. When we’re being appreciative about beautiful things and other people around us, we also become beautiful to them.
9. When you’re willing to accept change and go through the process of self improvement, it doesn’t mean that everyone else is. The world is a place where people of different values and attitude live. Sometimes, even if you think you and your best friend like to do the same thing together at the same time, she could easily decline your invitation for self improvement.
We should always remember that there’s no such thing as ‘overnight success’. It’s always a wonderful feeling to hold on to the things that you already have now, realizing that those are just one of the things you once wished for. A very nice quote says that “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” We are all here to learn our lessons. Our parents, school teachers, friends, colleagues, officemates, neighbors… they are our teachers. When we open our doors for self improvement, we increase our chances to head to the road of success.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
7 Secret Steps to Living a Life of Happiness and Abundance
The DYSALA Method
I am often asked about the DYSALA Method – “Andrea, what does DYSALA mean? What does it have to do with happiness and living a life of abundance? Can I learn about the Seven Secret Steps and make a difference in my life?” Yes, you can! Everyone can apply the DYSALA method and become the master of his or her life!
While DYSALA is just an acronym for Discover Your Script And Live Again, the DYSALA method is a most powerful means of ridding yourself of the demons that have ruled your life. The DYSALA method is a proven, systematic way to help you sift through your emotions and the memories of a lifetime to identify the single, most significant event of your childhood that triggered your Script.
A Life-Script is the blueprint by which we live our lives. Everyone lives by a Script. A child is most susceptible between the ages of 4-7; these are the “growth” years during which a child is most impressionable. Whatever happens during these years, whether good or bad, forms a lasting impression in the child's mind and soul. A spider bite can turn into a lifelong phobia; a bullied child becomes a bully himself as a defense mechanism; a ridiculed fat child has no self esteem as an adult; and an abused child never trusts anyone.
And even if nothing out of the ordinary happens during those years, children learn by imitating the adults around them and thus habits are formed that have their roots in the words and actions of their parents, teachers and other adult role models.
Unfortunately, 95% or more of all Scripts are negative. The 7 Secret Steps of the DYSALA method show you how to conquer your negative Script and how to write yourself a New Script – a new blueprint for the life you want to live!
1. First, you have to understand how Life-Scripts are formed. The first Secret Step gives you a series of examples of negative Life-Scripts and how they were formed, so that you learn to appreciate the significant power they can hold over you. Once you are aware of this power, it is no longer invisible and you can start to fight it.
2. Second, you have to recognize how Life-Scripts can influence you in your life and how you in turn can influence others as a result of your Script. This is an important step in the DYSALA Method – see the pitfalls of a negative Life-Script and embrace the potential benefits of a positive one. This will give you the courage to proceed to the third Secret Step.
3. The third Secret Step is the discovery of your own Life-Script, which could be a very emotional and disturbing process. It is one thing to talk in abstracts and general terms involving Scripts of other people, but it is quite something else when you go through the discovery process yourself and zero in on happenings in your long lost past, which, unbeknownst to you, have lodged themselves in the deepest recesses of your subconscious. If they were painful events, you probably blocked them out completely from your conscious mind, never suspecting that they would grow to powerful Life-Scripts that ruled your life.
4. Naturally, the emotional stress of the discovery of your own Life-Script could be upsetting. A variety of methods are presented in the fourth Secret Step on how you could cope with this stress and build a solid foundation for the new life that lies ahead of you, one that is full of happiness and abundance!
5. This is where the fun begins. In the fifth Secret Step you get to write your New Life-Script. Dream big, paint your new life on a blank canvas with all the colors of the rainbow! Put everything on it, new material things if you like – a new car, a new house, a vacation place, a boat, travel, etc. Or paint new relationships, a new job, new ideas – fame and fortune, whatever you like. And when you see yourself living the life you painted on this canvas, you will know how to write your New Life-Script that will make your dreams come true.
6. In the sixth Secret Step you learn how to bring it all together. You discovered your old Life-Script, you wrote your New Life-Script and you painted the life you want. Now you get to put the structures in place that will anchor and secure you in your new life’s path: your belief system about love and relationships, sex, religion, money and finances, material wealth and spiritual wealth, etc.
7. And in the seventh and final Secret Step you will find a series of exercises that you should do daily to permanently imprint your New Script in you subconscious and secure your path to newfound happiness.
Follow my DYSALA Method of the Seven Secret Steps and live the life you have always wanted – a life full of happiness, personal fulfillment and abundance!
Enjoy your journey!
www.SevenSecretSteps.com
I am often asked about the DYSALA Method – “Andrea, what does DYSALA mean? What does it have to do with happiness and living a life of abundance? Can I learn about the Seven Secret Steps and make a difference in my life?” Yes, you can! Everyone can apply the DYSALA method and become the master of his or her life!
While DYSALA is just an acronym for Discover Your Script And Live Again, the DYSALA method is a most powerful means of ridding yourself of the demons that have ruled your life. The DYSALA method is a proven, systematic way to help you sift through your emotions and the memories of a lifetime to identify the single, most significant event of your childhood that triggered your Script.
A Life-Script is the blueprint by which we live our lives. Everyone lives by a Script. A child is most susceptible between the ages of 4-7; these are the “growth” years during which a child is most impressionable. Whatever happens during these years, whether good or bad, forms a lasting impression in the child's mind and soul. A spider bite can turn into a lifelong phobia; a bullied child becomes a bully himself as a defense mechanism; a ridiculed fat child has no self esteem as an adult; and an abused child never trusts anyone.
And even if nothing out of the ordinary happens during those years, children learn by imitating the adults around them and thus habits are formed that have their roots in the words and actions of their parents, teachers and other adult role models.
Unfortunately, 95% or more of all Scripts are negative. The 7 Secret Steps of the DYSALA method show you how to conquer your negative Script and how to write yourself a New Script – a new blueprint for the life you want to live!
1. First, you have to understand how Life-Scripts are formed. The first Secret Step gives you a series of examples of negative Life-Scripts and how they were formed, so that you learn to appreciate the significant power they can hold over you. Once you are aware of this power, it is no longer invisible and you can start to fight it.
2. Second, you have to recognize how Life-Scripts can influence you in your life and how you in turn can influence others as a result of your Script. This is an important step in the DYSALA Method – see the pitfalls of a negative Life-Script and embrace the potential benefits of a positive one. This will give you the courage to proceed to the third Secret Step.
3. The third Secret Step is the discovery of your own Life-Script, which could be a very emotional and disturbing process. It is one thing to talk in abstracts and general terms involving Scripts of other people, but it is quite something else when you go through the discovery process yourself and zero in on happenings in your long lost past, which, unbeknownst to you, have lodged themselves in the deepest recesses of your subconscious. If they were painful events, you probably blocked them out completely from your conscious mind, never suspecting that they would grow to powerful Life-Scripts that ruled your life.
4. Naturally, the emotional stress of the discovery of your own Life-Script could be upsetting. A variety of methods are presented in the fourth Secret Step on how you could cope with this stress and build a solid foundation for the new life that lies ahead of you, one that is full of happiness and abundance!
5. This is where the fun begins. In the fifth Secret Step you get to write your New Life-Script. Dream big, paint your new life on a blank canvas with all the colors of the rainbow! Put everything on it, new material things if you like – a new car, a new house, a vacation place, a boat, travel, etc. Or paint new relationships, a new job, new ideas – fame and fortune, whatever you like. And when you see yourself living the life you painted on this canvas, you will know how to write your New Life-Script that will make your dreams come true.
6. In the sixth Secret Step you learn how to bring it all together. You discovered your old Life-Script, you wrote your New Life-Script and you painted the life you want. Now you get to put the structures in place that will anchor and secure you in your new life’s path: your belief system about love and relationships, sex, religion, money and finances, material wealth and spiritual wealth, etc.
7. And in the seventh and final Secret Step you will find a series of exercises that you should do daily to permanently imprint your New Script in you subconscious and secure your path to newfound happiness.
Follow my DYSALA Method of the Seven Secret Steps and live the life you have always wanted – a life full of happiness, personal fulfillment and abundance!
Enjoy your journey!
www.SevenSecretSteps.com
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Be As Happy As You Want To Be
Almost everyone has heard the hit single 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' by Bobby McFerrin. The song has a very catchy way of conveying its message to everyone. Bobby McFerrin's simple message surely made a lot of people happy by telling them not to worry.
Living a happy, resilient and optimistic life is wonderful, and is also good for your health. Being happy actually protects you from the stresses of life. As you surely already know, stress is linked to top causes of death such as heart disease, cancer and stroke.
There is an apt saying - 'The only thing in life that will always remain the same is change'; we are lucky that we have the power to make the necessary changes in our life if we want to. Even if we find ourselves in an unbearable situation we can always find solace in the knowledge that that too would change.
Social networks or relationships are essential to happiness. People are different, so accept them for who or what they are, avoid clashes, constant arguments, and let go of all resentment. If arguments seem unavoidable, try and make an effort to understand the situation and you might just get along very well with the other person.
To be happy is relatively easy – just decide to be a happy person. Abraham Lincoln observed that most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook would be. The choice is really simple, just choose to be happy.
There are several ways by which you can do this.
- Being grateful is a great attitude. We have so much to be thankful for. Thank the taxi driver for bringing you home safely, thank the cook for a wonderful dinner and thank the guy who cleans your windows. Also thank the mailman for bringing you your mails, thank the policeman for making your place safe and thank God for being alive.
- News is stressful. Get less of it. Some people just can't start their day without their daily dose of news. Try and think about it, 99% of the news we hear or read is bad news. Starting the day with bad news does not seem to be a sensible thing to do.
- Manage your time. Time is invaluable and too important to waste. Time management can be viewed as a list of rules that involves scheduling, setting goals, planning, creating lists of things to do and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you desire.
- Laugh and laugh heartily every day. Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. Laughter is the best medicine'.
- Express your feelings, affections, friendship and passion to people around you. They will most likely reciprocate your actions. Try not to keep pent up anger or frustrations, this is bad for your health. Instead find ways of expressing them in a way that will not cause more injury or hurt to anyone.
- Working hard brings tremendous personal satisfaction. It gives a feeling of being competent in finishing our tasks. Accomplishments are necessary for all of us, they give us a sense of value. Work on things that you feel worthy of your time.
- Learning is a joyful exercise. Try and learn something new everyday. Learning also makes us expand and broaden our horizons.
- Run, jog, walk and do other things that your body was made for. Feel alive, and
- Avoid exposure to negative elements like loud noises, toxins and hazardous places.
These are the few simple things you can do everyday to be happy.
And always remember another quote from Abraham Lincoln, he says that, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Living a happy, resilient and optimistic life is wonderful, and is also good for your health. Being happy actually protects you from the stresses of life. As you surely already know, stress is linked to top causes of death such as heart disease, cancer and stroke.
There is an apt saying - 'The only thing in life that will always remain the same is change'; we are lucky that we have the power to make the necessary changes in our life if we want to. Even if we find ourselves in an unbearable situation we can always find solace in the knowledge that that too would change.
Social networks or relationships are essential to happiness. People are different, so accept them for who or what they are, avoid clashes, constant arguments, and let go of all resentment. If arguments seem unavoidable, try and make an effort to understand the situation and you might just get along very well with the other person.
To be happy is relatively easy – just decide to be a happy person. Abraham Lincoln observed that most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook would be. The choice is really simple, just choose to be happy.
There are several ways by which you can do this.
- Being grateful is a great attitude. We have so much to be thankful for. Thank the taxi driver for bringing you home safely, thank the cook for a wonderful dinner and thank the guy who cleans your windows. Also thank the mailman for bringing you your mails, thank the policeman for making your place safe and thank God for being alive.
- News is stressful. Get less of it. Some people just can't start their day without their daily dose of news. Try and think about it, 99% of the news we hear or read is bad news. Starting the day with bad news does not seem to be a sensible thing to do.
- Manage your time. Time is invaluable and too important to waste. Time management can be viewed as a list of rules that involves scheduling, setting goals, planning, creating lists of things to do and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you desire.
- Laugh and laugh heartily every day. Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. Laughter is the best medicine'.
- Express your feelings, affections, friendship and passion to people around you. They will most likely reciprocate your actions. Try not to keep pent up anger or frustrations, this is bad for your health. Instead find ways of expressing them in a way that will not cause more injury or hurt to anyone.
- Working hard brings tremendous personal satisfaction. It gives a feeling of being competent in finishing our tasks. Accomplishments are necessary for all of us, they give us a sense of value. Work on things that you feel worthy of your time.
- Learning is a joyful exercise. Try and learn something new everyday. Learning also makes us expand and broaden our horizons.
- Run, jog, walk and do other things that your body was made for. Feel alive, and
- Avoid exposure to negative elements like loud noises, toxins and hazardous places.
These are the few simple things you can do everyday to be happy.
And always remember another quote from Abraham Lincoln, he says that, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Monday, March 31, 2008
The Powers of a Positive Attitude
I am going to ask you to something very weird right now. First of all, I want you to listen to your thoughts. Now tell me, what thoughts fill your head? Would you label them as positive, or negative?
Now let's say you are walking down the street with these thoughts. Do you think anyone who would meet you would be able to tell you what’s on your mind?
The answer to number one is up to you. But, the answer number two can be pretty generic. Although people will not be able to tell you exactly what you think, they will more or less have an idea of how you are feeling.
Here's another question. When you enter a party filled with friends, do they all fall silent as if something terrible had happened? Or does everybody there perk up as if waiting for something exciting to happen?
You know what? The answer to all these depends on your frame of mind.
Thoughts are very powerful. They affect your general attitude. The attitude you carry reflects on your appearance, too – unless, of course, you are a great actor.
And it doesn't end there. Your attitude can also affect people around you.
The type of attitude you carry depends on you. It can be either positive or negative.
Positive thoughts have a filling effect. They are admittedly invigorating. Plus, the people around the person carrying positive thoughts are usually energized by this type of attitude.
Negative thoughts on the other hand have a sapping effect on other people. Aside from making you look gloomy and sad, negative thoughts can turn a festive gathering into a funeral wake.
A positive attitude attracts people, while a negative attitude repels them. People tend to shy away from those who carry a negative attitude.
We can also define attitude as the way of looking at the world. If you choose to focus on the negative things in the world, more or less you have a negative attitude brewing up. However, if you choose to focus on the positive things, you are more likely carry a positive attitude.
You have much to gain from a very positive attitude. For one, studies have shown that a positive attitude promotes better health. Those with this kind of attitude also have more friends. Projecting a positive attitude also helps one to handle stress and problems better than those who have a negative attitude.
A positive attitude begins with a healthy self-image. If you will love the way you are and are satisfied, confident, and self-assured, you also make others are around feel the same way.
A negative attitude, on the other hand, has, of course, an opposite effect. So, carrying a negative attitude has a twofold drawback. You feel bad about yourself, and you make others feel the same way.
If you want to have a positive attitude, you have to feature healthy thoughts. This is probably very hard to do nowadays since, all around us, the media feeds us nothing but negative thoughts. A study shows that for every 14 things a parent says to his or her child, only one is positive. This is truly a saddening thought.
If you want a healthier outlook in life, you need to think happy thoughts, and you have to hear positive things as well. So, what can you do? Well, for starters, you could see a funny movie, you could play with children, spend some time telling jokes with friends. All these activities fill you with positive stimuli, which in turn promotes positive attitude.
Although it is impossible to keep ourselves from the negative things around us, you can still carry a positive attitude by focusing on the good things, the positive things in life.
And this positive attitude you now carry can be of benefit to other people. Sometimes when other people feel down, the thing people mostly do is try to give them advice. But sometimes, all they need is somebody to sit by them, and listen to them. If you have a positive attitude you may be able to cheer them up without even having to say anything.
If positive attitude is really great, why do people choose to adopt a negative attitude instead? One who carries a negative attitude may be actually sending a signal for attention. Before you get me wrong, feeling sad, angry, or gloomy is not wrong itself. But dwelling on these thoughts for far too long is not healthy either. There is a time to mourn.
As always, if you are beset by troubles, even in your darkest hour, focus on the good things in life, you will always have hope. Problems become something you can overcome.
You do not have much to lose by adopting a healthy, positive attitude. Studies show that such an attitude actually retards aging, makes you healthier, helps you develop a better stress coping mechanism, and has a very positive effect on all the people you meet every day. So, what's not to like about a positive attitude? Adopt one today.
Now let's say you are walking down the street with these thoughts. Do you think anyone who would meet you would be able to tell you what’s on your mind?
The answer to number one is up to you. But, the answer number two can be pretty generic. Although people will not be able to tell you exactly what you think, they will more or less have an idea of how you are feeling.
Here's another question. When you enter a party filled with friends, do they all fall silent as if something terrible had happened? Or does everybody there perk up as if waiting for something exciting to happen?
You know what? The answer to all these depends on your frame of mind.
Thoughts are very powerful. They affect your general attitude. The attitude you carry reflects on your appearance, too – unless, of course, you are a great actor.
And it doesn't end there. Your attitude can also affect people around you.
The type of attitude you carry depends on you. It can be either positive or negative.
Positive thoughts have a filling effect. They are admittedly invigorating. Plus, the people around the person carrying positive thoughts are usually energized by this type of attitude.
Negative thoughts on the other hand have a sapping effect on other people. Aside from making you look gloomy and sad, negative thoughts can turn a festive gathering into a funeral wake.
A positive attitude attracts people, while a negative attitude repels them. People tend to shy away from those who carry a negative attitude.
We can also define attitude as the way of looking at the world. If you choose to focus on the negative things in the world, more or less you have a negative attitude brewing up. However, if you choose to focus on the positive things, you are more likely carry a positive attitude.
You have much to gain from a very positive attitude. For one, studies have shown that a positive attitude promotes better health. Those with this kind of attitude also have more friends. Projecting a positive attitude also helps one to handle stress and problems better than those who have a negative attitude.
A positive attitude begins with a healthy self-image. If you will love the way you are and are satisfied, confident, and self-assured, you also make others are around feel the same way.
A negative attitude, on the other hand, has, of course, an opposite effect. So, carrying a negative attitude has a twofold drawback. You feel bad about yourself, and you make others feel the same way.
If you want to have a positive attitude, you have to feature healthy thoughts. This is probably very hard to do nowadays since, all around us, the media feeds us nothing but negative thoughts. A study shows that for every 14 things a parent says to his or her child, only one is positive. This is truly a saddening thought.
If you want a healthier outlook in life, you need to think happy thoughts, and you have to hear positive things as well. So, what can you do? Well, for starters, you could see a funny movie, you could play with children, spend some time telling jokes with friends. All these activities fill you with positive stimuli, which in turn promotes positive attitude.
Although it is impossible to keep ourselves from the negative things around us, you can still carry a positive attitude by focusing on the good things, the positive things in life.
And this positive attitude you now carry can be of benefit to other people. Sometimes when other people feel down, the thing people mostly do is try to give them advice. But sometimes, all they need is somebody to sit by them, and listen to them. If you have a positive attitude you may be able to cheer them up without even having to say anything.
If positive attitude is really great, why do people choose to adopt a negative attitude instead? One who carries a negative attitude may be actually sending a signal for attention. Before you get me wrong, feeling sad, angry, or gloomy is not wrong itself. But dwelling on these thoughts for far too long is not healthy either. There is a time to mourn.
As always, if you are beset by troubles, even in your darkest hour, focus on the good things in life, you will always have hope. Problems become something you can overcome.
You do not have much to lose by adopting a healthy, positive attitude. Studies show that such an attitude actually retards aging, makes you healthier, helps you develop a better stress coping mechanism, and has a very positive effect on all the people you meet every day. So, what's not to like about a positive attitude? Adopt one today.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Build Your Self Esteem
So how do you stay calm, composed and maintain self esteem in a tough environment? Here are some tips you may to consider as a starter guide to self improvement.
Imagine yourself as a Dart Board. Everything and everyone else around you may become Dart Pins, at one point or another. These dart pins will destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won’t even remember. Don’t let them destroy you, or get the best of you. So which dart pins should you avoid?
Dart Pin #1: Negative Work Environment
Beware of “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. Most of the time, you get to work too much without getting help from people concerned. Stay out of this, it will ruin your self esteem. Competition is at stake anywhere. Be healthy enough to compete, but in a healthy competition that is.
Dart Pin #2: Other People’s Behavior
Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers… all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self esteem, as well as to your self improvement scheme.
Dart Pin #3: Changing Environment
You can’t be a green bug on a brown field. Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for awhile, it may cause stress but it will help us find ways to improve our selves. Change will be there forever, we must be susceptible to it.
Dart Pin #4: Past Experience
It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson.
Dart Pin #5: Negative World View
Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.
Dart Pin #6: Determination Theory
The way you are and your behavioral traits is said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing (psychic), and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, the company, the economy or your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your father is a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.
Sometimes, you may want to wonder if some people are born leaders or positive thinkers. NO. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and drawing lines for self improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent.
In life, it’s hard to stay tough especially when things and people around you keep pulling you down. When we get to the battle field, we should choose the right luggage to bring and armors to use, and pick those that are bullet proof. Life’s options give us arrays of more options. Along the battle, we will get hit and bruised. And wearing a bullet proof armor ideally means ‘self change’. The kind of change which comes from within – voluntary, armor or self change – changes 3 things: our attitude, our behavior and our way of thinking.
Building self esteem will eventually lead to self improvement if we start to become responsible for who we are, what we have and what we do. It’s like a flame that should gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out. When we develop self esteem, we take control of our mission, values and discipline. Self esteem brings about self improvement, true assessment, and determination. So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment. A positive way of living will help you build self esteem, your starter guide to self improvement.
Imagine yourself as a Dart Board. Everything and everyone else around you may become Dart Pins, at one point or another. These dart pins will destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won’t even remember. Don’t let them destroy you, or get the best of you. So which dart pins should you avoid?
Dart Pin #1: Negative Work Environment
Beware of “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. Most of the time, you get to work too much without getting help from people concerned. Stay out of this, it will ruin your self esteem. Competition is at stake anywhere. Be healthy enough to compete, but in a healthy competition that is.
Dart Pin #2: Other People’s Behavior
Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers… all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self esteem, as well as to your self improvement scheme.
Dart Pin #3: Changing Environment
You can’t be a green bug on a brown field. Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for awhile, it may cause stress but it will help us find ways to improve our selves. Change will be there forever, we must be susceptible to it.
Dart Pin #4: Past Experience
It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson.
Dart Pin #5: Negative World View
Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.
Dart Pin #6: Determination Theory
The way you are and your behavioral traits is said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing (psychic), and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, the company, the economy or your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your father is a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.
Sometimes, you may want to wonder if some people are born leaders or positive thinkers. NO. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and drawing lines for self improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent.
In life, it’s hard to stay tough especially when things and people around you keep pulling you down. When we get to the battle field, we should choose the right luggage to bring and armors to use, and pick those that are bullet proof. Life’s options give us arrays of more options. Along the battle, we will get hit and bruised. And wearing a bullet proof armor ideally means ‘self change’. The kind of change which comes from within – voluntary, armor or self change – changes 3 things: our attitude, our behavior and our way of thinking.
Building self esteem will eventually lead to self improvement if we start to become responsible for who we are, what we have and what we do. It’s like a flame that should gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out. When we develop self esteem, we take control of our mission, values and discipline. Self esteem brings about self improvement, true assessment, and determination. So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment. A positive way of living will help you build self esteem, your starter guide to self improvement.
Friday, March 28, 2008
A New Meaning of the World Script
When you hear the word “Script” you’ll probably think about a writing of some sort – like a movie script. The recent strike of the Hollywood Script Writers has certainly underscored this meaning of the word. Another common use of the word script is to describe ancient scripts like the “Dead Sea Scrolls”.
However, the script I want to talk about is the Life Script. Any script is essentially a predefined sequence of words or events (a program, if you will) which the actors follow meticulously to convey the message of the movie or play to the audience. Likewise, any predefined path like the ethnical background of a person, the heritage of his people, family traditions, etc. are all programs making up the Life Script by which a person – the actor – lives his life in interaction with the audience, the people he comes in contact with daily, like family, friends, co-workers, etc.
Everyone lives by a Life Script. There are no exceptions to this rule. A newborn automatically inherits the Script of his parents and lives by it in the early years of his life. A baby born to a Maasai tribal mother in Africa views the world from the back of his mother and grows up living in grass huts that are shared with goats and other livestock. This view of the world differs totally from that of a baby born to, say, a Russian, Asian or European mother, each of whom speaks a different language and has different customs, beliefs and traditions.
In addition to these inherent ethnical and family related Scripts, each person develops Scripts that are unique to him/her. These views are formed by events that happen in a child’s life – usually before the age of 7. During the growth years from 3-7 years old, a child is most malleable and can be influenced greatly by teachings, behavior and outside events that have an emotional impact on the child, such as a physical hurt, a scare, a traumatic event, an emotional pain or jealousy (e.g. of a new sibling).
All of the above are examples of a negative Script which results in new programming. When you are told “don’t touch the hot stove or you’ll burn yourself”, this has little impact until you actually do touch the hot stove and experience the physical pain associated with a burn. At that moment the subconscious mind is programmed and henceforth it will warn the conscious mind to steer away from the experienced danger.
A much more serious physical pain as a result of childhood trauma such as brutality by a parent or stranger, or sexual assault, has a much deeper effect on the subconscious. A mistreated child learns not to trust anyone and that defines his Life Script. A scare, such as an encounter with an unfamiliar person, animal or thing, can have a similar effect. Imagine children playing near a pool of water or small brook and one of them falling into it accidentally. Even though this accident results in no physical pain or illness, the very act of falling and immersion in cold water can cause a fright that will be remembered by the subconscious mind in the same way as touching the hot stove.
Emotional pain is triggered by words. Remember the old saying “sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you”? Well, actually the opposite is true. Words are much more powerful than you can imagine when it comes to the subconscious mind. Physical pain is soon forgotten, but emotional pain stays with us forever. Careless words spoken by a parent, teacher or other influential person in a child’s life are key elements in the formation of negative Scripts. A Child told that he or she is stupid or useless will have a very low self esteem and an adult and live by the code “I’m worthless…”
Other emotions, such as jealously, anger, hatred, etc. also form part of a child’s Script. The only child that has been pampered and spoiled by its parents feels pushed away at the arrival of a sibling. This could trigger a lifelong feeling of inadequacy “I am not good enough – my parents needed another child, someone better than me” … or one of competition “You think you could box me out of my position? I’ll show you! “, which sets the stage for lifelong sibling rivalry.
No matter what the situation or event, each negative event during early childhood has an impact on the way a child sees the world and how he prepares himself to live in it. Not all Scripts are negative, but unfortunately they are the majority. Positive Scripts are not formed by traumatic events and thus there is no one emotional trigger implanted in the subconscious. Instead, they are formed by constant reassurance, praise and expressions of love to make the child feel comfortable and secure at all times.
The good news is that negative Scripts do not have to be permanent. Like computer programs, they can be changed. Of course, this process is not as easy as buying a new CD at the computer store and clicking a few buttons to install it at home. A bit more savvy and understanding of the subject matter is required, much like a programmer has to learn the programming language first before he can attempt to write a new software application.
Understanding one’s own Script is a crucial element. One begins by asking the questions: Who am I? Why am I the way I am? Why am I so ___________ (unhappy, scared, angry, cautious, incapable, etc. – you fill in the word)? What happened in my past that made me so __________?
Getting to the root of the problem may take time, persistence and outside help by a skilled coach or counselor, particularly if there was significant trauma associated with it. It is also probable that bringing back memories of emotionally charged events of the past will trigger emotional reactions in the present which have to be reckoned with and dealt with before one can move on to the formation of a new Script and a better life.
As we put the past behind us, the fun begins. We get to dream big and write ourselves a New Script. Again, we start by asking ourselves the questions: Who am I? What are my likes, loves and biggest dreams? What kind of life do I want to live? What are my values? Which beliefs that I grew up with no longer serve me?
The deeper you dig into your psyche, the more satisfying will be your journey to the truth about yourself. And when you really know yourself, as you are today – the first day of the rest of your life – writing your New Script will be easy.
Instead of saying to yourself “I am unworthy”, “I am stupid”, “I am a coward”, “I am a loser”, etc., you will replace these negative sayings with positive affirmations, such as “I am worth it!” “I am intelligent and able”, “I am strong and powerful and I shy away from no challenge”, “I am a winner – I can achieve anything I set my mind to!”
Affirming this new Life Script to yourself over and over again will anchor it in your subconscious and replace the old programming. Repetition and knowing how to communicate with your subconscious will be the key to your success.
Enjoy the journey!
However, the script I want to talk about is the Life Script. Any script is essentially a predefined sequence of words or events (a program, if you will) which the actors follow meticulously to convey the message of the movie or play to the audience. Likewise, any predefined path like the ethnical background of a person, the heritage of his people, family traditions, etc. are all programs making up the Life Script by which a person – the actor – lives his life in interaction with the audience, the people he comes in contact with daily, like family, friends, co-workers, etc.
Everyone lives by a Life Script. There are no exceptions to this rule. A newborn automatically inherits the Script of his parents and lives by it in the early years of his life. A baby born to a Maasai tribal mother in Africa views the world from the back of his mother and grows up living in grass huts that are shared with goats and other livestock. This view of the world differs totally from that of a baby born to, say, a Russian, Asian or European mother, each of whom speaks a different language and has different customs, beliefs and traditions.
In addition to these inherent ethnical and family related Scripts, each person develops Scripts that are unique to him/her. These views are formed by events that happen in a child’s life – usually before the age of 7. During the growth years from 3-7 years old, a child is most malleable and can be influenced greatly by teachings, behavior and outside events that have an emotional impact on the child, such as a physical hurt, a scare, a traumatic event, an emotional pain or jealousy (e.g. of a new sibling).
All of the above are examples of a negative Script which results in new programming. When you are told “don’t touch the hot stove or you’ll burn yourself”, this has little impact until you actually do touch the hot stove and experience the physical pain associated with a burn. At that moment the subconscious mind is programmed and henceforth it will warn the conscious mind to steer away from the experienced danger.
A much more serious physical pain as a result of childhood trauma such as brutality by a parent or stranger, or sexual assault, has a much deeper effect on the subconscious. A mistreated child learns not to trust anyone and that defines his Life Script. A scare, such as an encounter with an unfamiliar person, animal or thing, can have a similar effect. Imagine children playing near a pool of water or small brook and one of them falling into it accidentally. Even though this accident results in no physical pain or illness, the very act of falling and immersion in cold water can cause a fright that will be remembered by the subconscious mind in the same way as touching the hot stove.
Emotional pain is triggered by words. Remember the old saying “sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you”? Well, actually the opposite is true. Words are much more powerful than you can imagine when it comes to the subconscious mind. Physical pain is soon forgotten, but emotional pain stays with us forever. Careless words spoken by a parent, teacher or other influential person in a child’s life are key elements in the formation of negative Scripts. A Child told that he or she is stupid or useless will have a very low self esteem and an adult and live by the code “I’m worthless…”
Other emotions, such as jealously, anger, hatred, etc. also form part of a child’s Script. The only child that has been pampered and spoiled by its parents feels pushed away at the arrival of a sibling. This could trigger a lifelong feeling of inadequacy “I am not good enough – my parents needed another child, someone better than me” … or one of competition “You think you could box me out of my position? I’ll show you! “, which sets the stage for lifelong sibling rivalry.
No matter what the situation or event, each negative event during early childhood has an impact on the way a child sees the world and how he prepares himself to live in it. Not all Scripts are negative, but unfortunately they are the majority. Positive Scripts are not formed by traumatic events and thus there is no one emotional trigger implanted in the subconscious. Instead, they are formed by constant reassurance, praise and expressions of love to make the child feel comfortable and secure at all times.
The good news is that negative Scripts do not have to be permanent. Like computer programs, they can be changed. Of course, this process is not as easy as buying a new CD at the computer store and clicking a few buttons to install it at home. A bit more savvy and understanding of the subject matter is required, much like a programmer has to learn the programming language first before he can attempt to write a new software application.
Understanding one’s own Script is a crucial element. One begins by asking the questions: Who am I? Why am I the way I am? Why am I so ___________ (unhappy, scared, angry, cautious, incapable, etc. – you fill in the word)? What happened in my past that made me so __________?
Getting to the root of the problem may take time, persistence and outside help by a skilled coach or counselor, particularly if there was significant trauma associated with it. It is also probable that bringing back memories of emotionally charged events of the past will trigger emotional reactions in the present which have to be reckoned with and dealt with before one can move on to the formation of a new Script and a better life.
As we put the past behind us, the fun begins. We get to dream big and write ourselves a New Script. Again, we start by asking ourselves the questions: Who am I? What are my likes, loves and biggest dreams? What kind of life do I want to live? What are my values? Which beliefs that I grew up with no longer serve me?
The deeper you dig into your psyche, the more satisfying will be your journey to the truth about yourself. And when you really know yourself, as you are today – the first day of the rest of your life – writing your New Script will be easy.
Instead of saying to yourself “I am unworthy”, “I am stupid”, “I am a coward”, “I am a loser”, etc., you will replace these negative sayings with positive affirmations, such as “I am worth it!” “I am intelligent and able”, “I am strong and powerful and I shy away from no challenge”, “I am a winner – I can achieve anything I set my mind to!”
Affirming this new Life Script to yourself over and over again will anchor it in your subconscious and replace the old programming. Repetition and knowing how to communicate with your subconscious will be the key to your success.
Enjoy the journey!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
"A Piece of Blarney Stone": 10 ways to empower your communication
The Blarney Stone is a historical stone, or actually part of the Blarney Castle in Ireland where it was believed that kissing the stone can grant you the gift of gab. Yeah, it seems strange in this day and age, but who are we to question tradition?
There is so much to know about conversation that anyone, even I, could ever realize. You can watch talk shows; listen to radio programs; go to clubs dedicated to public speaking; and listen to ordinary conversations – and you will find that certain rules still apply when it comes to interaction through words. It may sound tedious, I know, but even though it's your mouth that's doing the work, your brain works twice as hard to churn out a lot of things you know. So what better way to start learning to be an effective communicator than to know the very person closest to you: yourself.
1. What you know.
Education is all about learning the basics, but to be an effective speaker is to practice what you've learned. My stint as occasional public speaker taught me that we all have our limitations, but that doesn't mean we can't learn to keep up and share what we know.
2. Listening.
It's just as important as asking questions. Sometimes listening to the sound of our own voice can teach us to be a little bit confident with ourselves and to say the things we believe in with conviction.
3. Humility
We all make mistakes, and sometimes we tend to slur our words, stutter, and probably mispronounce certain words even though we know what it means, but rarely use it only to impress listeners. So in a group, don't be afraid to ask if you're saying the right word properly and if they're unsure about it then make a joke out of it. I promise you it'll make everyone laugh and you can get away with it as well.
4. Eye Contact
There's a lot to say when it comes to directing your attention to your audience with an eye-catching gaze. It's important that you keep your focus when talking to a large group in a meeting or a gathering, even though he or she may be gorgeous.
5. Kidding around
A little bit of humor can do wonders to lift the tension, or worse boredom when making your speech. That way, you'll get the attention of the majority of the crowd and they'll feel that you're just as approachable, and as human to those who listen.
6. Be like the rest of them
Interaction is all about mingling with other people. You'll get a lot of ideas, as well as knowing what people make them as they are.
7. Me, Myself, and I
Admit it, there are times you sing to yourself in the shower. I know I do! Listening to the sound of your own voice while you practice your speech in front of a mirror can help correct the stress areas of your pitch. And while you're at it you can spruce up as well.
8. With a smile
A smile says it all much like eye contact. There's no point on grimacing or frowning in a meeting or a gathering, unless it's a wake. You can better express what you're saying when you smile.
9. A Role Model
There must be at least one or two people in your life you have listened to when they're at a public gathering or maybe at church. Sure they read their lines, but taking a mental note of how they emphasize what they say can help you once you take center stage.
10. Preparation
Make the best out of preparation rather than just scribbling notes and often in a hurried panic. Some people like to write things down on index cards, while others resort to being a little more silly as they look at their notes written on the palm of their hand (not for clammy hands, please). Just be comfortable with what you know since you enjoy your work.
And that about wraps it up. These suggestions are rather amateurish in edgewise, but I've learned to empower myself when it comes to public or private speaking and it never hurts to be with people to listen how they make conversations and meetings far more enjoyable as well as educational.
There is so much to know about conversation that anyone, even I, could ever realize. You can watch talk shows; listen to radio programs; go to clubs dedicated to public speaking; and listen to ordinary conversations – and you will find that certain rules still apply when it comes to interaction through words. It may sound tedious, I know, but even though it's your mouth that's doing the work, your brain works twice as hard to churn out a lot of things you know. So what better way to start learning to be an effective communicator than to know the very person closest to you: yourself.
1. What you know.
Education is all about learning the basics, but to be an effective speaker is to practice what you've learned. My stint as occasional public speaker taught me that we all have our limitations, but that doesn't mean we can't learn to keep up and share what we know.
2. Listening.
It's just as important as asking questions. Sometimes listening to the sound of our own voice can teach us to be a little bit confident with ourselves and to say the things we believe in with conviction.
3. Humility
We all make mistakes, and sometimes we tend to slur our words, stutter, and probably mispronounce certain words even though we know what it means, but rarely use it only to impress listeners. So in a group, don't be afraid to ask if you're saying the right word properly and if they're unsure about it then make a joke out of it. I promise you it'll make everyone laugh and you can get away with it as well.
4. Eye Contact
There's a lot to say when it comes to directing your attention to your audience with an eye-catching gaze. It's important that you keep your focus when talking to a large group in a meeting or a gathering, even though he or she may be gorgeous.
5. Kidding around
A little bit of humor can do wonders to lift the tension, or worse boredom when making your speech. That way, you'll get the attention of the majority of the crowd and they'll feel that you're just as approachable, and as human to those who listen.
6. Be like the rest of them
Interaction is all about mingling with other people. You'll get a lot of ideas, as well as knowing what people make them as they are.
7. Me, Myself, and I
Admit it, there are times you sing to yourself in the shower. I know I do! Listening to the sound of your own voice while you practice your speech in front of a mirror can help correct the stress areas of your pitch. And while you're at it you can spruce up as well.
8. With a smile
A smile says it all much like eye contact. There's no point on grimacing or frowning in a meeting or a gathering, unless it's a wake. You can better express what you're saying when you smile.
9. A Role Model
There must be at least one or two people in your life you have listened to when they're at a public gathering or maybe at church. Sure they read their lines, but taking a mental note of how they emphasize what they say can help you once you take center stage.
10. Preparation
Make the best out of preparation rather than just scribbling notes and often in a hurried panic. Some people like to write things down on index cards, while others resort to being a little more silly as they look at their notes written on the palm of their hand (not for clammy hands, please). Just be comfortable with what you know since you enjoy your work.
And that about wraps it up. These suggestions are rather amateurish in edgewise, but I've learned to empower myself when it comes to public or private speaking and it never hurts to be with people to listen how they make conversations and meetings far more enjoyable as well as educational.
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